I’d like to say I’m honest.
The alarm goes off.
I wake up and look at the ceiling.
I get dressed, no longer caring what I look like, or what I wear.
My short hair is sticking up, I try my best to pat it down.
I walk into a school.
Of course the closest to the door are the pretty girls.
The daughters of millionaires, the daughters of actors.
I press through the crowded hallway, I run to the library.
I breathe. Thankful that this safe Haven is here in this
I lay my head down.
My older sister was the most popular girl in the whole school.
What disappointment she would feel if she saw me right now.
Girls sit behind me and whisper. Thoughts of how I’m not
good enough. I laugh, because it’s true what they say.
I’m not good enough. Not for high school anyway. The bell
rings. I’m fully intending to go to class this time. But then I
feel it. The fear, the emptiness, in the pit of my stomach.
I walk out the school doors. I breathe in the fresh air. I feel
free. I get on my bike and bike to the city library, I lock myself
in a stall and cry. I’m tired of this. Hearing of parties that I’m
not invited to. Being looked down upon because I’m not
beautiful in the model way. My sister texts me, my aunt has
overdosed again. The funny thing is if you saw my family
from the outside you would never think that anything was
wrong. My father an engineer, my mother Italian. You wouldn’t
know the problems that lie beneath.
I didn’t realize that I was depressed. I always thought of
depression as a joke. Until the sadness lingered for so long,
and got so deep, I didn’t realize it had gotten so bad. I planned
my attempt for suicide. I wake up and go to the city library one
last time, and sitting on a chair is a book. The Perks of Being a
Wallflower. I begin to read. I read it all within 3 hours.
And I realized that I wasn’t alone.
Maybe everyone feels just like me.
We are all just afraid to admit it.
And it hits me.
I can admit it.
I can be the person that lived and moved past it all.
I can be okay, eventually.
I was given a gift that day. I was given a new gift of life.
A new gift of hope.